Текст: Weird Al Yankovic. In 3-D. Mr. Popeil.

I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by, how does that make you feel?)

Help me
Mr. Popeil!

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s. don't miss out on this deal)

Ah, help me
Mr. Popeil!

Help me
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Woo, woo, ohh)
It slices, it dices
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it
But you wouldn't want to!

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble
Need your assistance on the double
Oh no! Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popeil!
Tell me, what am I s'posed to do?

Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!

(Now how much would you pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Don't answer yet
Just look what else you get!

(Now how much would you pay?)
If you order today
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?

Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil, Mr. Popeil

Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage of this amazing TV offer!
(Call our toll-free number, we'll make you such a deal)

Aw, help me!
Mr. Popeil, I want it!
(Mr. Popeil)
Well, I need it!
(Mr. Popeil)
I got to, got to, got to have it!

Mr. Popeil!
Mr. Popeil!
Hey!