Текст: Weird Al Yankovic. Alpocalypse. Whatever You Like.

Hey girl, you know, our economy's in the toilet
But I'm still gonna treat you right
I said you can have whatever you like, if you like
I said you can have whatever you like, if you like
Yeah

Tater tots, Cold Duck on ice
And we can clip coupons all night
And baby you can have whatever you like, if you like
I said you can have whatever you like, if you like
Yeah

Take you out for dinner anywhere that you please
Like Burger King or Mickey D's
And baby you can have whatever you like, if you like
I said you can even have the large fries, large fries
Yeah

Baby, you should know I am really quite a sweet guy
When I buy you bathroom tissue, I always get the 2-ply
Want it, you can get it, my dear
I got my Costco membership card right here

Yeah you like Top Ramen? Need Top Ramen?
Got a cupboard full of 'em, I'll keep 'em comin'
You want it, I got it, go get it, just heat it
Dump the flavor packet on it and eat it

Pork and beans and Minute Rice
And we can play cribbage all night
And baby you can have whatever you like, if you like
I said you can have whatever you like, if you like
Yeah

I can take you to the Laundromat downtown
And watch all the clothes go 'round and 'round
And baby we can go wherever you like, if you like
I said we can go wherever you like, if you like
Yeah

Hottest shorty I know, if you had some lipo
You could be second runner-up Miss Ohio
Seven dollar bills rolled up inside my plastic billfold
Buy you a bagel even if it is a day old

And you never ever gotta wear your sister's old clothes
Long as I'm still assistant manager at Kinko's
Cut your hair with scissors and a soup bowl
You ain't gotta pay me, that's the way that I roll

My chick can have what she want
At Wal-Mart she can pick out anything she want
I know girl, you ain't never had a man like that
Who doesn't make you buy generic brand like that

Yeah you like my Hyundai? See my Hyundai?
I can take you to see your cousin Phil next Sunday
But that's kinda far and I'm not made of cash
Do you think you could chip in for gas?

Mac and cheese would be all right
But let's send out for pizza tonight
And you can order any toppings you like, if you like
I said you can even have the last slice, last slice
Yeah

Ran myself a cable from my neighbor next do', do'
Now I can get free HBO
And baby you can watch whatever you like, if you like
I said you can watch whatever you like, if you like
Yeah

And you can always ride the city bus
Got a stack of tokens just for us
Yo, my wallet's fat and full of ones
Yeah, it's all about the Washingtons, that's right

You want White Castle? Need White Castle?
Long as you got me it won't be no hassle
You want it, well get it, just don't be a hater
If I grab a bunch of napkins for later

Thrift store jeans, on sale half price
The underwear at Goodwill is nice
And baby you can have whatever you like, if you like
I said you can have whatever you like, if you like
Yeah

Baby I can give you anything you please
Even share my government cheese
And baby you can have as much as you like, if you like
I said you can go have as much as you like, if you like
Yeah